Somethin's Amiss

I am no longer able to stay at this person's home. He did not give me an explanation but I can only guess. This same situation occurred a few months ago when a schizophrenic (he openly admits) offered me a place to stay and then retracted that offer the next day because he realized he would not be able to accommodate me. The building he lived in was managed by the city, I presume, as part of an effort to house mentally ill people. So now I must be patient, waiting three months to reapply for "General Relief" and the "Grow Program", which are both sponsored by the county of Los Angeles, to obtain a voucher for an SRO (single room occupancy unit) downtown in a safe, clean, guarded building amongst the chaotic atmosphere in that area (skid row). In the meantime, I must suffer, compromising myself to stay somewhere. I will not go to a shelter to join a "rehabilitation program" because I have not reached that state yet. It takes a strong mind to resist temptation. I will continue writing on this blog and working parttime as well as trying to reestablish my credit. I cannot afford to have my attention averted by an intensified "program" designed to redirect people back into the workforce.

Rainy Day

It's raining and thundering out here in California. Rain makes you feel sleepy. It should be clearing out soon enough though. I had a conversation with the person who is giving me a place to stay last night. He explained to me that he has certain disadvantages. He says he is bipolar (yikes) but his I.Q. is high. He also says he performed all over the world as a musician. One would be skeptical, being in a town such as L.A. I guess everything will be alright as long as I remain disaffected. Only that one person knows what's best for him or her.

The fourth-coming

Hello. Well, it's been a hell of a weekend. I had a good few moments and a few moments that were frightening. I am definitely expecting too much of myself. What I am beginning to realize is that I tend to blow off steam. Going through a period in your life such as this can open the door to a lot of opportunities but you can definitely break down if you are not prepared emotionally. After meeting this person who graciously gave me a place to stay, I began to wonder why. There has to be a reason. What does this person expect from me? I found out several things, although I still do not know the full story. The building in which he lives in is part of the HUD (Housing and Urban Development) program. They house people who need some sort of assistance with their lives whether it be emotionally or physically. They also house people of low-income status and immigrants, Russians being the majority in this area. Where does that leave this person? He seems perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He is attending a school, studying sound engineering among other things. Why does he feel he can help me? How did he obtain this sort of subsidized housing? We have not talked much about that but my guess is that, from where he comes from, Columbia, that is their custom. Reaching out to those in need. I found it a bit strange, being an American. Let's face it, we treat each other like shit.
I went to a place in West Hollywood called Hamburger Mary's on Thursday which hosted kareoke. Singing is one way to vent fustration be it through humor or through passion. I sing for the passion of it. The crowd consisted of mostly locals, both young and old, gay and straight. I sang Vertigo, originally performed by U2. It is not an easy song to sing. I did quite well after a couple of verses. I did not do much of any thing else this weekend. While walking to the library, I talked to an author whom I met a year ago. It is always a pleasure to see him. We always talk about writing. A well-spoken individual, I must say. Occasionally, he will smoke a cigarette on the balcony of his home. I use the Beverly Hills library to post these entries and do research or just enjoy myself. I've rediscovered the joy of reading which I've suppressed so many years. The only thing I would pick up is a New York Post to read the scandalous gossip on the rich and famous as well as the infamous in New York and all over the world. I did not get a chance to post a picture but it will probably be posted this week.

3rd Entry

Hello. I've just entered the library in Beverly Hills to post another entry. I had somewhere to stay last night, the same place I've been staying for the last week. We talked last night regarding my situation. He expressed sympathy and worry. His experiences with his kindness have led him to grief in the past. I assured him that I was neither an alcoholic or drug addict. He responded by saying that I must have strong character to be able to suppress those urges. Unfortunately, most people in my situation will see no other way around it. They give in to the sexual and psychological urges of escape. I will admit, if I was not staying there at his place, I would be at some bar in the West Hollywood area looking for company and accepting whatever was offered to me. I will be posting a picture some time this weekend of myself.

2nd Entry

This is my second entry. It is a Wednesday in Los Angeles and rainstorm prevented me from posting a blog yesterday, Tuesday. I, from time to time, walk the streets of L.A. to see who I meet. I met an interesting person Monday night who is giving me a place to stay. He lives in a studio in Hollywood. I stayed with him Monday night and last night. I suppose I will be staying with him tonight. What does he want in return? I don't know. Intriguing indeed. I went to the Department of Public Social Services in West L.A. today. It's a place where you get General Relief and Food Stamps. They also assist you in getting a job. I had originally applied for these government benefits nine months ago. Without a place to live though, it is difficult to pursue gainful employment of some sort. Nine months later, I am still struggling. Why? I wasn't stabilized. There are SRO's (single room occupancy units) located in downtown L.A. where I could've been staying but I didn't find out about these accommodations until it was too late. I found out today I will have to reapply for these particular benefits. These programs, I believe, are worth participating in but you must do research, I've learned, in order to take full advantage. I will be posting a photo of myself soon. I would like to share with the public my experiences because I believe people should know what is going on in society today with people my age.

Today is the first day on this website. I am thoroughly excited. I am doing this as a project, to share my daily experiences with the public. Hopefully, it will be an enriching experience. Everything I write will be a truthful depiction of my daily activities in Los Angeles. I am currently going through the tremendous task of finding affordable housing in the city of Los Angeles which is part of a self-assessment. I am 29 years old and have been here in L.A. for a year. I was born and raised in New York City during the seventies. My father left the family early in my life, so my mother raised me and my sister by herself. I didn't have much of an idea of what career to pursue until recently. Early in my life growing up as a child, I was taunted in school and at home. It lead me on a path usually followed by other young males or females lead astray. On the streets, trying to survive, looking for love, answers and absorbing everything while learning with astonishment. For ten years ( I am now 29), I have been lost in a sea of people with one thing in mind. ' What to do with myself?' issues came up: housing, friends, love, money, etc. Leaving New York at the age of 18, I came to L.A. without a clue what to do. I did not know the problems I was about to face but knew they were a result of a poor upbringing. I struggled for a few years, finally giving in and returning to New York . After a few years there, I was a little more experienced and knew more about myself but was not ready. There was no direction or determination, I was not in the right mindset. I went back to L.A. last year and revelation occurred through people I met. Still finding myself lost, I began to look for reasons which forced me to look at the social dynamic. When pursuing housing as an unprivileged person of society, there is little power to wield. I do have to go and will publish this today. I will be writing entries everyday.