Scary Night

It was a frightening night last night, while sleeping on a couch I had found vacant in West Hollywood. It was about 8 o'clock, when, after falling asleep, a suspicious female was going into my pocket, reaching for my cellphone. I woke up, scared and bewildered. She drew back, saying "Are you okay? I was about to call an ambulance. I thought you were dead. Do you need any cigarettes or food?". I said "Fuck off, bee-yatch." (just kidding). I actually said "No, thank you, I'm fine.". I fell back asleep on the couch as she walked away moving my cellphone to another pocket. I first thought she was trying to feel my cock. Sometimes women can't help themselves. Ever have that happen to you? It wouldn't make sense though. Why would she want to have sex with me out in the open, in an alleyway? You never know.


It's another absolutely gorgeous day today. We (California) are on a roll. Three days in a row, as a matter of fact. Everyone is in a good mood. It's a good day to ask someone on the street for money (I have to do that sometimes, hell, I only make $7,000 a year). When I do obtain affordable housing (if that ever happens), I'm going to go to the National Personal Training Institute. Whew, long name. It's a place that trains and certifies people to become personal physical trainers. I would imagine it would be a pretty opportunistic job (wink, wink). Why do I feel horny all of a sudden?


I provided a link to the complete Guns N Roses concert filmed in Lisbon, Portugal, in my last entry. It's better to have a broadband connection than a dial-up connection while viewing it. I thought the concert was pretty good but there were a lot of complaints about everything. You'll just have to give the band some time, I guess. Axl Rose hasn't performed in years, so he's just getting geared up. I almost had the pleasure of meeting him but it didn't happen. I was in a club called Spa, on 13th Street in Manhattan, New York on a Thursday night (it's closed now), celebrating Amanda Lepore's birthday party (David LaChappelle's muse). The party was being thrown by David LaChappelle himself. It was packed and Guns N Roses were touring after their surprise performance on the 2002 MTV Video Music Awards.


Axl Rose shows up, at about 2:30 am, wearing a fur coat. At the time, the club had a "No Fur Coat" policy. They did not let him in, after he refused to take off the fur coat. I don't blame him. Well, after that episode, he canceled the rest of his tour. Go figure. I was inside the club while that was happening. Had I been outside the club, I would've held the fur coat for him, waiting outside the club, while he was inside. Mind you, it was about 30 degrees Farenheit. That didn't happen, though. Too bad.


I'm an aspiring singer as well. This summer, I'll be making a VERY STRONG EFFORT to put together either a contempary R&B cover band or an Alice in Chains cover band. I gotta do it, it's in my blood, baby. There's nothin' like rockin' out on stage, running back and forth and screaming into the microphone, making a lasting impression. I could do that. Anybody out there want to help me? Not too many people can.


Well, between the fuckin' arrest last week and a cold or flu I caught last week, I've been fraught with disaster. Here's another "Crazy Thing To Do" Thought:


Ask a woman: "Can you tell me what a 'cameltoe' is?".