Falling Out

I had two falling outs last night with two different people. They were both similar in that both people felt I was just an 'acquaintance'. I asked one person, who I met a couple of years ago, if he was interested in a friendship and his reply was no. He was also not interested in what I had to say at all. Yuck! The other person is someone I met a year ago, when I first arrived here in L.A. Basically, he gave me the same story. Oh, well, what are you going to do? I have received an email from Google Adsense about posting ads on this blog. There's an application process. At this particular time, my blog does not fit their criteria. In other words, they won't be posting ads anytime soon. I won't despair. I was counting on that, though. It's a terrific way to make money, getting revenue from traffic to your blog. It is a gorgeous day today. I hope it will stay that way. I am beginning to receive comments via email. Cool! Last night was hell though. I didn't get sleep at all because I left a person's house at about three or four in the morning, after having an argument with them about friendship. I was shocked, to say the least so I went to a supermarket and got some coffee in a can(you know what brand I'm talking about). I then waited until a coffeeshop would open, at around six in the morning and got myself a cup of fresh, delicious coffee on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. The gentleman there was very nice to me. He gave me the cup of coffee for free! Wow. So, I sat there, looking at the billboards. There are huge, gigantic billboards all over L.A. and they're fun to look at because they're inspirational. They give me a sense of where pop culture is headed in terms of movies and film. I felt as if I was hallucinating because of sleep deprivation. It's not the first time but yuck! You start to get into a pissy mood, irritable. The coffee defintely helped, though, it woke me up. I'm not upset or disappointed with the two people I had a falling out with, I always get the last laugh.

Light....................................at the end of the tunnel

It is a gorgeous day today, with sunny skies all over L.A. There is not a cloud in sight. Everyone in Beverly Hills, which is where I use the public library computer (yikes), is in a sexy, sexy mood. There's a lot of heat going on here in L.A., figuratively speaking. I received two comments yesterday. One comment was posted by a woman from Florida, calling herself a lesbian. She is a single parent with one child. She wished me good luck finding affordable housing in Los Angeles. I replied by saying thank you. You, the reader, can view the comment yourself. The other comment was posted by a person who only called himself "d.". The commenter asked if I was disabled. The person also asked why I did not have a job. People, you should read the daily postings before posting a comment. Another person, who I run into a lot in the public library of Beverly Hills, was disappointed because he thought he was given the impression that I was living in the "Skid Row" district. You do not have to live in that particular area to be homeless. You can live anywhere if you are homeless. Hello! Besides, what idiot would want to live in skid row. Unless you are in an SRO unit or you are a crackhead, you should not be there. It is a dangerous area and is not a supportive environment for homeless people. I could get more in Beverly Hills at a soup kitchen than I can in one downtown. I am still waiting, patiently, for approval from Google Adsense to post ads on this site. It is the only way, sensibly, for me to generate a moderate supplemental income that I know of. I do need a new pair of shoes or sneakers. Ultimately, I would LOVE a pair of UGGs from Australia. I am still working on the picture of myself to post on this blog. People need to see what I look like, people such as the editor of Variety magazine, they'll be shocked. They'll probably think, 'how can a handsome young man such as yourself be in a situation such as this?'. This is Hollywood(Movietown). I certainly do love it, why do you think I hang out in Beverly Hills? If you think I'm some sort of pencil neck geek with thick, coke-bottle glasses, you're wrong(I was that way once). One of the other reasons I post on this blog I created, is that I feel my situation is unique in the way I appear to other people. I have been forced to look at myself and ask myself, 'why don't I have friends or family I can rely on?' I will not succumb to being a loner. I want to have friends I can rely on. I know I cannot rely on my family for help because they are not capable. They do not have the financial or emotional resources. Fuck em', they don't make the effort. Sad but true. With friends, though, that can change. I can find friends that I can be with but that takes practice. Social skills. Skills I did not acquire in grades 1-12. Coming from a broken home, I was tormented and forced to go into a shell. Terrible but it happens often with kids. They, however, can rely on family for support. I couldn't. I was tormented at home as well. So, after realizing that, I set off on my own, giving my family the middle finger but it didn't turn out as well at first. When you're 18, you don't have a clue as to what you are doing. The first thing a runaway does is go to a center or they look for someone to confide in. I looked everywhere. Up, down, left, right. I did okay, I guess. I think of those past years as a rich experience. The sex, drugs, let-downs. All of it. Including........the celebrities I met. I'll reveal more of myself tomorrow.

Windy Night

Boy, it was windy last night. It was chilly as well. I managed the tormentuous weather by sleeping in a cardboard box located behind a high-end, up-scale clothing store. I am still pretty excited about receiving the email from the editor of Variety magazine, he suggested I email the Los Angeles Times which I have done. I am waiting for a response from Adsense, there is an application process. In the meantime, I am working part-time, allowing me to get some R and R(Rest and Relaxation) once or twice a week. It really is a waste of money, since the occupancy tax is 14% of the rate. I would rather sleep outside until I can get into an SRO (Single Room Occupancy) unit, in a military surplus sleeping bag. They are designed for this type of weather. I've had one before, so I know. I am going to start writing in my blog about my experiences before I started posting. This is my twelfth blog posting, I believe but I have been in Los Angeles since February of last year, 2005.

R and R (Rest and Relaxation)

It is a gorgeous day weather wise, with sunny skies and a light, gentle breeze. I missed a couple of days because the library in Beverly Hills, which I frequent, was closed on Sunday, April 16th, 2006 for the Easter holiday. I stayed in a hotel on Friday of last week for one night, that was all I could afford and rested by watching a couple of films on cable. I met a screenwriter from Texas on Thursday of last week. He knows the current president and his father, the former president of the United States, from growing up in Texas. We talked for a few hours about current events and before saying our good-byes, I gave him my blog address. He is the first person to comment on the blog. The second person is the editor of Variety magazine. After reading an article in the April 17th issue of Variety, I emailed him. The article was on a documentary on the state of the homeless in the "Skid Row" area, an area downtown. A major recording star disguised himself as a homeless person for a period of nine days. The documentary is being produced by an entertainment company here in Los Angeles(http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117941547?categoryid=16&cs=1&s=h&p=0). I went to a soup kitchen in Beverly Hills at an Episcopalian/Angelican church. Outside were representatives from the P.A.T.H. (People Assisting The Homeless) program. After taking a survey, I was handed a bagged lunch. The P.A.T.H. program has two shelters to my knowledge. I have stayed at both of them. The organization is run by a non-profit agency, I think, which receives funding from both private and public sources. At one facility, they run a free beauty salon. Basically, the client stays in the shelter for a period of months and saves his or her money, in the hopes of getting housing. The program also offers referrals to the Department of Public Social Services and various other city-run programs.

Tooting and Beeping

Last night, I bumped into a friend of mine and stayed at his house. This is someone I met a year ago. He is a vocal and piano instructor. We had a conversation and had a nice time. I really enjoyed it. When I left in the morning, he gave a Toblerone bar from Swizterland and a pair of gorgeous blue socks to wear. Unfortunately, the bar melted in the sun but I still enjoyed it. I sucked the melted chocolate out of the wrapper and chewed on the nuts. Besides that, it was a relatively calm day yesterday after I visited the City Hall of West Hollywood. It is a gorgeous day today with sunny skies, no clouds in sight and a comfortable breeze. It is a perfect day for sailing. I am now posting ads on this blog. Everytime a person clicks on an ad and visits the website advertising on this blog, I get revenue! Perhaps, that will solve my homelessness issue! I hope my efforts to bring awareness to this problem will pay off someday and bring together a strong community of people who are empathetic with the problem. I see a lot of homeless people in the Los Angeles area that I never really talk to but hopefully, if administrators read this blog, or anybody else for that matter, they can put themselves in my shoes and see what's going on through my eyes, as I guide them gently through the forest of fester. In a couple of days, I will put together a wish list of things I feel I need. I am not expecting anybody to respond to it, it is a list that is just food for thought. Ultimately, I do see myself as a writer. I feel comfortable doing this. It gives me great pride and joy.

City Hall

I went to City Hall of West Hollywood today to find out about the 80/20 buildings being put up in some areas. I did not get very far, the list for affordable housing is closed, consisting mostly of senior citizens and people of positive HIV status. I think my search for affordable housing will begin at the Los Angeles Housing Authority, which I will begin to pursue after I acquire an SRO (single room occupancy) unit downtown. That will happen in the next couple of months. I have to wait to reapply for General Relief since I have already used up all the time and money given to me by the county. I slept in a cardboard box last night, behind a Costume National clothing store. I did not get enough sleep because I did not have a pillow to put my head on and I was not covered up. I had to tuck my sweatshirt into my pants and pull it over my head. It was extremely uncomfortable, so when I got up, I slept for a couple of hours on the grass in a park. I went to a bar in West Hollywood last night, as a last resort, to see if I could find a place to stay for the night. I met one fellow who I conversed with but he could not help me. I am going to talk to him today, he may be able to help me.

Soup Kitchen

Today I ate at a soup kitchen in Beverly Hills at a Presbyterian Church. Only about forty people show up at this location. They serve you a stew with turkey and beans. It is yummy, I'll have to admit. They also serve ice cream. There is a woman volunteering there who knows some city councilman. I gave her my blog address because I felt the city councilman might want to know what's going on with today's struggling American citizens my age. I forgot to mention an incident that occurred a couple of days ago. I was sitting in front of a coffee shop when a man of Jewish faith came up to me and asked if I would like something to eat. I asked him: "How do you know I need something to eat?" "You asked someone for a cigarette", he replied. Then I said "Well, how about buying me a pack of cigarettes?" He obliged. As we were walking to the gas station to buy cigarettes, I was peppering him with questions about himself. Is this person trying to redeem himself by doing good to someone strange on the street? After buying the cigarettes, we go to a supermarket to purchase half a chicken. I thanked him and walked away, still intrigued.

Despairity

Well, it's Monday, the start of the work week for most people. I had an interesting day yesterday, Sunday. I was walking down Santa Monica Boulevard on my way to a friends house when I stopped someone who was looking at a copy of the New York Post in a vending machine. I asked him if he was from New York and he said yes. We talked for two hours after that about various topics. It turns out, he's a plastic surgeon! Cool! He was not a happy camper, though. He was disappointed in the country in general. He made interesting comments that made me think. It was a pretty cool conversation in general, you don't meet a lot of industry professionals walking down the street in West Hollywood. You just don't. He knows a lot about hormonal therapy for men. Men generally lose their hormones when they approach mid-age, which can lead to depression. Depression then can lead to cancer and various other ailments. Pretty frightening. I gave him my number in the hopes of seeing him again.

Missed a Few Days

Well, it's Sunday and I missed few days. I stayed in a hotel room for two nights in Hollywood for a bit of R and R but now its back to square one. Things should get better in the next month or two, depending on what the Department of Public Social Services wants to do with me as a client. I'm hoping they will have housing available for me for the next nine-month period. I really do want become a productive member of society and be able to enjoy my life as well, without any restraints. I ran into the author again while walking to the library in Beverly Hills, we had a nice chat. I also ran into to another acquaintance while crossing the street in West Hollywood a few days ago. He is very busy screening his movie for potential mass exposure. I still have not had a chance to post a picture of myself, my budget being very small but I will sometime this month. This, I believe, is my second week posting entries on this blog. I feel a sense of relief knowing I have a place I call home, be it virtual. Til' next time.

Somethin's Amiss

I am no longer able to stay at this person's home. He did not give me an explanation but I can only guess. This same situation occurred a few months ago when a schizophrenic (he openly admits) offered me a place to stay and then retracted that offer the next day because he realized he would not be able to accommodate me. The building he lived in was managed by the city, I presume, as part of an effort to house mentally ill people. So now I must be patient, waiting three months to reapply for "General Relief" and the "Grow Program", which are both sponsored by the county of Los Angeles, to obtain a voucher for an SRO (single room occupancy unit) downtown in a safe, clean, guarded building amongst the chaotic atmosphere in that area (skid row). In the meantime, I must suffer, compromising myself to stay somewhere. I will not go to a shelter to join a "rehabilitation program" because I have not reached that state yet. It takes a strong mind to resist temptation. I will continue writing on this blog and working parttime as well as trying to reestablish my credit. I cannot afford to have my attention averted by an intensified "program" designed to redirect people back into the workforce.

Rainy Day

It's raining and thundering out here in California. Rain makes you feel sleepy. It should be clearing out soon enough though. I had a conversation with the person who is giving me a place to stay last night. He explained to me that he has certain disadvantages. He says he is bipolar (yikes) but his I.Q. is high. He also says he performed all over the world as a musician. One would be skeptical, being in a town such as L.A. I guess everything will be alright as long as I remain disaffected. Only that one person knows what's best for him or her.

The fourth-coming

Hello. Well, it's been a hell of a weekend. I had a good few moments and a few moments that were frightening. I am definitely expecting too much of myself. What I am beginning to realize is that I tend to blow off steam. Going through a period in your life such as this can open the door to a lot of opportunities but you can definitely break down if you are not prepared emotionally. After meeting this person who graciously gave me a place to stay, I began to wonder why. There has to be a reason. What does this person expect from me? I found out several things, although I still do not know the full story. The building in which he lives in is part of the HUD (Housing and Urban Development) program. They house people who need some sort of assistance with their lives whether it be emotionally or physically. They also house people of low-income status and immigrants, Russians being the majority in this area. Where does that leave this person? He seems perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He is attending a school, studying sound engineering among other things. Why does he feel he can help me? How did he obtain this sort of subsidized housing? We have not talked much about that but my guess is that, from where he comes from, Columbia, that is their custom. Reaching out to those in need. I found it a bit strange, being an American. Let's face it, we treat each other like shit.
I went to a place in West Hollywood called Hamburger Mary's on Thursday which hosted kareoke. Singing is one way to vent fustration be it through humor or through passion. I sing for the passion of it. The crowd consisted of mostly locals, both young and old, gay and straight. I sang Vertigo, originally performed by U2. It is not an easy song to sing. I did quite well after a couple of verses. I did not do much of any thing else this weekend. While walking to the library, I talked to an author whom I met a year ago. It is always a pleasure to see him. We always talk about writing. A well-spoken individual, I must say. Occasionally, he will smoke a cigarette on the balcony of his home. I use the Beverly Hills library to post these entries and do research or just enjoy myself. I've rediscovered the joy of reading which I've suppressed so many years. The only thing I would pick up is a New York Post to read the scandalous gossip on the rich and famous as well as the infamous in New York and all over the world. I did not get a chance to post a picture but it will probably be posted this week.

3rd Entry

Hello. I've just entered the library in Beverly Hills to post another entry. I had somewhere to stay last night, the same place I've been staying for the last week. We talked last night regarding my situation. He expressed sympathy and worry. His experiences with his kindness have led him to grief in the past. I assured him that I was neither an alcoholic or drug addict. He responded by saying that I must have strong character to be able to suppress those urges. Unfortunately, most people in my situation will see no other way around it. They give in to the sexual and psychological urges of escape. I will admit, if I was not staying there at his place, I would be at some bar in the West Hollywood area looking for company and accepting whatever was offered to me. I will be posting a picture some time this weekend of myself.

2nd Entry

This is my second entry. It is a Wednesday in Los Angeles and rainstorm prevented me from posting a blog yesterday, Tuesday. I, from time to time, walk the streets of L.A. to see who I meet. I met an interesting person Monday night who is giving me a place to stay. He lives in a studio in Hollywood. I stayed with him Monday night and last night. I suppose I will be staying with him tonight. What does he want in return? I don't know. Intriguing indeed. I went to the Department of Public Social Services in West L.A. today. It's a place where you get General Relief and Food Stamps. They also assist you in getting a job. I had originally applied for these government benefits nine months ago. Without a place to live though, it is difficult to pursue gainful employment of some sort. Nine months later, I am still struggling. Why? I wasn't stabilized. There are SRO's (single room occupancy units) located in downtown L.A. where I could've been staying but I didn't find out about these accommodations until it was too late. I found out today I will have to reapply for these particular benefits. These programs, I believe, are worth participating in but you must do research, I've learned, in order to take full advantage. I will be posting a photo of myself soon. I would like to share with the public my experiences because I believe people should know what is going on in society today with people my age.

Today is the first day on this website. I am thoroughly excited. I am doing this as a project, to share my daily experiences with the public. Hopefully, it will be an enriching experience. Everything I write will be a truthful depiction of my daily activities in Los Angeles. I am currently going through the tremendous task of finding affordable housing in the city of Los Angeles which is part of a self-assessment. I am 29 years old and have been here in L.A. for a year. I was born and raised in New York City during the seventies. My father left the family early in my life, so my mother raised me and my sister by herself. I didn't have much of an idea of what career to pursue until recently. Early in my life growing up as a child, I was taunted in school and at home. It lead me on a path usually followed by other young males or females lead astray. On the streets, trying to survive, looking for love, answers and absorbing everything while learning with astonishment. For ten years ( I am now 29), I have been lost in a sea of people with one thing in mind. ' What to do with myself?' issues came up: housing, friends, love, money, etc. Leaving New York at the age of 18, I came to L.A. without a clue what to do. I did not know the problems I was about to face but knew they were a result of a poor upbringing. I struggled for a few years, finally giving in and returning to New York . After a few years there, I was a little more experienced and knew more about myself but was not ready. There was no direction or determination, I was not in the right mindset. I went back to L.A. last year and revelation occurred through people I met. Still finding myself lost, I began to look for reasons which forced me to look at the social dynamic. When pursuing housing as an unprivileged person of society, there is little power to wield. I do have to go and will publish this today. I will be writing entries everyday.